Imagine Me & You
by jamielovesyou
Summary: Kyle challenges Cartman to change. As Cartman begins to improve, Kyle starts to fall for him, but with all the 'buts' or 'ifs', could they be together? [KylexCartman] UPDATED 12/16/2012
1. Jew vs Nazi

**Imagine Me & You**

****

_Chap 1: Jew vs Nazi_

The steep slopes were washed in pure white wonders, the mountain majesty are as purple as amethyst jewels; The skies rings with bitter cold air as it dances into town, a town so cheerful and normal, one might believe that he or she may never realize when the towns folks will loose their control and start a senseless rampage. The people here are always so cautious of their town, eager to protect it with their grubby little hands, setting it near their hearts in pride. This town is cold, quiet and peaceful, if not a bit calamity-driven. This town could be easily missed in an A-Z map, seeing how there's nothing really important about this place. This town is small, yet the peoples' courage continue to grow to help protect their youngs and the elders alike. This town is where kids could fish with their dads, and bring it home for dinner. This town would've been the next, cooler-and-more-fairer-cousin of Alaska. This town is South Park.

The school bell at the Elementary school shrills out into the could air of South Park, and the double door entries cracks open, and children of different ages come pouring out, their feet and hands cold yet they still ignored it. They were used to it after living in the snowy climate for so long. Birds are chirping in the trees, and silver-maned squirrels scatters across the grass. Finally, a boy with a mildly-funny looking green ushanka steps out, his breath appearing in the air like ciggarate smoke and his face is pale. His name is Kyle Broflovski.

Kyle looks around suspiciously, looking for a certain overweight, bigoted asshole. Kyle wanted to serve Eric Cartman a good ranting about how rude it was about immitating Timmy at lunch. _Look at me, durr! Cartman! Cartman! CARTMAN!_ God. Cartman isn't the most compassionate person on the planet, but then again, when was there ever a time where he wasn't? Maybe Kyle is overreacting about the Timmy-thing, seeing as how Timmy didn't mind Cartman-even to the point to ignoring him. Shocker.- and even clapped for him while slurring his own name over and over again. Maybe he is overreacting. He wouldn't mind if other people liked to poke fun at Timmy or Jimmy lightly once in a while, but when it all comes boiling down to the morbidly-obese Cartman, it was a whole new outlook.

For Kyle, anyways.

"Cartman!"

Kyle finally finds him, walking with Stan and Kenny, playing with something that Kyle didn't know or even care about. Or even wants to know. Anyways, Kyle stomps up to Cartman, ready to spill his complaints and rants on him, like he always did to him. And Cartman will yell back and defend himself with sarcastic remarks about Kyle being a jew, or being a fag, like he always did. It was going to be another fight, Kyle versus Cartman, and Stan and Kenny would have to stand by and watch while they shake their heads unbelieveably.

"What, Jew?" Cartman sneers, making Kyle fume. Stan and Kenny stood by Kyle, in case the fatass decides to take the verbal fight into a physical fight. Kyle could fight him with words, but Cartman is the larger type and can put Kyle down faster than you can say his name. Three small kids could do for the fatso.

"Cartman, you better apologize to Timmy. I think what you did at lunch break was cruel." Kyle said between teeth. Cartman smirks while Kyle stood on his ground.

"Kahl, I think that you should get on your knees and suck on mah hot, spicy boner."

"Cartman!"

"I'd love to stand by and hear you bitch and moan about your little hippie-love towards mankind, but if you excuse me, I have a date with Terrance, Phillip, and cheesy poofs. So screw you guys, A'm goin' home!"

Kyle growls between his teeth. Whatever Cartman did, it seemed like he always got away with it, be it by his ever changing personalities, or the way he can wrap people around his little finger easily. Sociopath, that's what he is! Well, Kyle is not gonna let this one slide!

Just as Cartman began to turn away, Kyle jumps foward and grabs his shoulder and spun him around before screaming at his baffled expression, "NO! I'M NOT GONNA STAND BY AND WATCH YOU GET AWAY FROM YOUR FUCKING CHILDISH GAME OF MAKING EVERYONE AROUND YOU FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT!"

Cartman rolls his sholder from his grasp, "Get offa me, you fuckin' jew! I can do whatever I hella I want! It's not my fault that Timmy fell into the "retarded" group in our school, or how your fucking fat jew mom even believed that she could impregnate and give birth to a stupid, son of a bitch like you, or that your own fucking brother isn't even your real brother, just some dildo from Canada, and the worst part is that it's not my fault that I hate stupid fucking hippie jew fucks LIKE YOU!"

Cartman flicks at Kyle's nose with his finger, "So what are you gonna do about it, jew?"

Next thing he knows, Cartman lays on the hospital bed, "Dammit, why did I have to go and piss off Kahl today, of all day. I should've checked my goddamn calender, his light blood flow could've given me signs!"

"What the hell are you talking about, fatass?" Stan says as he rolls his eyes. Cartman growls at him before continuing.

"Duh, jews like him have intense PMS once a month. It's not everyday where I go and diss him and I land my ass to the hospital in a matter of minutes."

"I think it's not his PMS, Cartman. You always upset him to the point of no return." Kenny murmurs, playing around with the strings of his orange parka. Cartman snorts in response. Kenny looks up, "It's true, Cartman. Out of all of us, even out of all the kids at school, you always make Kyle your target."

"Well he shouldn't be such a goddamn jew!" Cartman whines.

"Cartman, Kenny's right. Believe it or not, Kyle cares about you. Bullshit, I know, but he does. And even though I know you're not going to ever like him, but atleast you can tolerate him a bit." Stan said before leaving the room, "I hafta go home, mom will freak. See ya guys."

"See ya..." Cartman calls out softly, and as soon as the door closes, he hisses under his breath, "Idiot..."

Kenny waves at Stan before turning back to Cartman with a grin. Cartman caught his grin with his eyes, and glares at him; He never liked it when the pervert grinned at him like that, "_What?_"

Kenny shrugs, that smug look never leaving his face, "I don't know, do you want to apologize to Kyle?"

"Like fucking hell I would," Cartman crosses his arm over the other, looking away in disgust, "It's his fault for him to interfere into my fucking life every five minutes. _Oh Cartman, you shouldn't do that. Oh Cartman, you're so mean. Oh Cartman, I told you so! Oh, oh, oh!_"

Kenny snickers, "Well... He does seem to be good at recieving your attention alot."

Cartman looks at him, "Where are you going with this, welfare?"

Kenny rolls his eyes, "I mean, you could've ignored him. It's that simple. Why can't you?"

"Kahl's like... a fly. A jew fly. He never leaves and he never leaves you the fuck alone," Cartman shudders, "He always ruins fun for everyone, and he's always with his boyfriend Stan. God, I hate those two."

Kenny giggles. Cartman sighs.

"Maybe you should change," Kenny pauses, looking at the floor, his eyelashes fanning across his blue eyes, "Maybe by then, he'll leave you alone."

Cartman returns to his position of looking away and crossing his arms stubbornly. He hears Kenny sighing, "I'll see you tommorow, fatass."

"AY!"

Kenny giggles before walking out of the room. Meanwhile, Cartman stares at the floor, looking deep in thought.

Two days later after suffocating in the prison called the hospital, Cartman returned home. His mother was terribly worried about him- _Oh, poppikins, I'm so glad you're back home. Mommy wants you to stay home from school tommorow, just in case everything with you is okay, okay sweetums?_- and decided to leave Cartman in his bed. On one half Cartman was glad to skip school tommorow, but another half wanted to come back, for some strange reason. Like he wanted to see some people, just to feel at ease again...

He misses his friends.

Cartman almost pukes in his mouth at that thought, but decide that it is the cold, hard truth. He shrugs it off before closing his eyes, trying to get some rest- Getting your ass kicked and being in the hospital is pretty exhausting, once you think about it.

Cartman is on the verge of falling asleep, when he hears his bedroom door creak and a sweet voice chirps in, "Eric, your little friend is here."

"Goddamit, mam, I just wanna go to sleep." Cartman replies angrily, his eyes still shut. He can feel light footsteps coming closer, and it is then Cartman decides to just sit up and face the music. As he does, he wipes his sleepy eyes and opens to see the horrors infront of him- His mother standing next to Kyle, "AY!"

"Eric, Kyle wants to apologize for hurting you at school. I'll just leav you two al--" His mother is cut off by Cartman-

"But maaaaaam, I don't want to be alone with him!"

"Eric Theodore Cartman, you and your little friend have to compromise and apologize for one another. Calling Kyle a jew won't justifice your anger towards him!" His mother barks, and Cartman shrinks back into his pillow. Immediatley she smiles brightly before chirping again, "I'll be in the kitchen baking brownies. Now you behave, my little sweetums!"

Out of the corner of Cartman's eye, he could see Kyle smirk and roll his eyes. Some mother she is.

Cartman and Kyle stare at one another for what seems like forever. Kyle looks around in his room and decides to walk closer to Cartman, suddenly appearing shyer, "Hey Cartman..."

Cartman hisses at him before returning to his postion of laying back in bed, facing away from him, "I'm not in the mood, Kahl, so why don't you just run along home?"

Silence irks the room. Cartman can feel Kyle's hand on his back, and he shudders, "Cartman, I just want to come by and say... I'm sorry. I just don't like it when you make fun of underprivilage kids like that... I dunno, maybe I'm overreacting, I mean, Jimmy doesn't mind getting poked at a bit, but..."

Cartman looks at the floor, "You just think I'm different because you've always known me as being a really rotten piece of shi--"

"Don't say it, Cartman! Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"No."

Cartman gasps as he feels his whole body getting turn around and immediatley he finds himself staring at two angry green eyes, "AY!"

"Don't _'aye!' _me, fat boy!" Kyle angrily replies, clutching at Cartman's collar tightly, "Now you listen to me, fatass, because I'm getting pretty fucking sick and tired of you! You promise me you'll never tease underprivilage kids like that again, and I won't kick your ass back to the hospital. What do you say?"

Cartman stares at him back hard, "_Fine, _jew, fine! I promise I won't do that again. Now lemme go!"

Kyle gives him a good, hard, cold stare for a moment before letting go. Cartman grabs his own throat in shock, trying to ease his breathing.

"I'll see you tommorow, fat boy."

"I'm not goin' tommorow, jew. My mom is letting me stay here."

"Oh no, Cartman!" Kyle states seriously, "I'm not gonna let you do that, no matter what your mom says. Just because a scrawny kid like me beat your ass a little bit does not mean you can skip school tommorow! That is bullshit!"

Cartman growls before grabbing his pillow case and chucks it at him, "GET OUT! MAAAAAM, GET KAHL OUTTA HERE!"

"STOP IT, FATASS!"

"MAAAAAAAAAM!" Cartman screamed harder, but he knew he is doomed; He knows that his mother usually listens the weather forecast alot before getting supplies for her brownies every week. He's doomed as fuck.

"JUST STOP AND LISTEN!" Kyle shrills, grabbing a hold at Cartman's chubby arms, "You don't have to be this way!"

"What the fuck do you mean?! I can do whatever I hella I want!" Cartman latch onto Kyle's sides, "You're not the fucking boss of me, you fucking jew!"

"Shut up, fatso!"

"Buttfucker!"

"PIECE OF SHIT!"

"NO GOOD FOR NOTHIN' JEW!"

"NAZI!"

"JESUS KILLER!"

"CRACK WHORE BABY!"

"MAAAAAAAAAAAM!"

Kyle lets go of his arms and huffs angrily, "Why do I even bother, you're never gonna change!" He gets off of Cartman's bed and walks towards the door. Cartman bit his bottom lip and narrows his eyes at him.

"Oh yeah! Well, we'll see about that, jew! I garrantee you I will change! I'll be the better person that you'll ever be!"

"I'd love to fucking see that!" Kyle ejaculates loudly back at him really hard, making Cartman shrink back in surprise, "By the end of this month, I wanna see some changes! I wanna see you loose some weight and control your appetite for once, I want to see you be more nicer to everyone around you, and especially, I want to see how you are with me!"

"Fine... It's on, Kahl." Cartman spoke in a low, serious voice, "I _will_ change."

"How bout' a bet? If you change, I'll never make fun of your mom again, and I'll try to stay out of your business more. But if you don't," Kyle takes a deep breath, "I'm gonna have my way with you."

Cartman sits there in silence for a minute, "... What do you mean by that?"

One side of Kyle's lip curls upward, and rubs his hands together in an evil-fashion, "You'll see, fatboy... You'll see."

"Oh no, Kahl, you tell me right now what do you mean by that!"

Kyle stares at him expressionless for a while, "I'm gonna humiliate you. I have videos of you playing your little dress up games. In fact, I have ten tapes." Kyle turns around, crossing his arms, "I mean... the school would love it, don'tcha think Cartman? Or would you rather be a better person, and I won't ruin your life for good?"

Cartman stares at the behind of Kyle's back in utter disbelief; Can he do that to him? Can he really be serious about the tapes? Is he being blackmailed?

"... Fine." Cartman barely whispers.

Kyle turns around, "Hm?"

"I said fine, Kyle, I'll change."

Kyle smiles a little, "That's the spirit. So I'll see you tommorow?"

Cartman looks at him. Suddenly Kyle looks more...ethereal. The sun that peeks into the miniblinds of Cartman's windows shone onto Kyle's face, and his eyes shone aloe vera green. Kyle's smirk fades into a confused look.

"Cartman?"

Cartman shakes his head mildly, "Yes... Yes, I'll be there tommorow."

Kyle smiles evilly, and Cartman shrinks back again, "It's been nice seeing you again, Eric."


	2. Day Fucking One

HEY KIDDOS. It's Jamie here, muah! 3

So, this is the second chapter. I hope you guys like it. I'm sorry if it seems a bit short, but meh, I tried.

And don't forget to review afterwards! It'll totally fuel my drive to continue on with the story!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Chap 2: Day Fucking One_

The next day, our favorite little piggy Cartman decided to jog to school instead of taking the school bus with the rest of his friends as usual. It only seem clear to him that what Kyle said to him earlier scared the living shit out of him-- Ten tapes of him playing innocent games? Innocent _girly _games? Uh-uh. No way. He will work HARD off his ass to get on Kyle's good side for the sake of his reputation. And hey, this weight-loosing goal could do some good for him. No more _"Hey, fatass!". _Or "_You're such a piggie!". _Or God forbid Cartman will ever hear this again, _"Damn, that's a FAT ASS!"._

"Dude, where's fatass?" Stan questions, shuffling his feet into the snow.

"I know, he always gets on the bus with us. I wonder where he is." Kenny mumbles into his parka. Kyle just stands there fuming at the concretes; He has specifically told Cartman to fucking show up at school, and he DIDN'T LISTEND?

_'God, just how thick-headed is he?' _Kyle thought angrilly, but soon enough, the bus has arrived and he wasted no effort into hauling himself on the bus; Maybe Cartman was sick, atleast to the very last minute he was. Kyle shakes his head mildly at that thought before sitting down next to Stan, who seems a bit concerned.

"Hey, are you okay?" Stan says softly, placing a hand on Kyle's back, who was jerked back into reality. Kyle stares at him dumb-strucked before looking down.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine..."

"Listen, if it's about Cartman, I'm sure he'll be--"

"Stan, quit it, please."

Stan stares at him for a while before taking his hand back, "I'm sorry, but I don't seem to get why you're so concerned about him."

Kyle just rolls his eyes and sighs. He's gonna have to lie through his teeth again, something he has picked up from Cartman for years.

"It's not that at all," Kyle stares at the ceiling of the bus, "I'm just scared what evil schemes he's trying to pull now."

"Yeah, I know," Stan shrugs, "If anything, I'll kick his ass before he starts it. Okay?"

Kyle nods, getting back on his train of thoughts.

Cartman arrived to the front of the school ten minutes late. "Godammit! Well, I guess I'll sneak in back to class."

Cartman sneaks past from various doors, avoiding any windows, and finally reaches his homeroom class. Ah, time for pretend Cartman to roll in and fake sob about some shit that never even happen to him while getting to the school bus stop. He went in, and Ms. Garrison glares at him.

"Well, I see the butt pirate decided to join us." Ms. Garisson hisses, and Cartman resists the urge to shout vulgary at him. He has to play nice, innocent; He will not accept another detention.

"Ms. Garrison... I..." Cartman chokes back fake tears, swearing he can hear the dramatic music playing in the background, "I guess you don't... care what happend to me while I tried to get to school on time..."

His teacher blinks once before replying, "Well, obviously yea--"

"OH!" Cartman bit his bottom lip and clutches onto his chest dramatically, "How could you?! I really wanted to come to school, but... I was taken. I was taken... and raped..."

Kyle stands on his chair and points his finger at him, "Why are you so goddamn sweaty, Cartman?"

Cartman scowls at him before returning to his dramatic sob story, "I feel... I feel... _so dirty!_"

Ms. Garisson rolls her eyes, "Cartman, just take your fatass back to your seat."

"I knew you would understand. Thank you." Cartman replies in a serious tone. He walks back to his seat next to Kyle and sneers at him before _not_ paying attention in class.

At lunch, Cartman sits next to his friends and didn't have his usual lunch; As of now, he swears he will loose weight, so he can once again get back at Kyle for doubting him. He could picture it now... _HAH HAH! I LOST WEIGHT AND ACTED NICE TO EVERYONE AND YOU ARE SO WRONG ABOUT ME! SO WRONG! HAHAHAHA, NANANANANA! Hahaha, __hahaha__hahahaha_Oh yeah, that'll do him some justice.

Stan sat next to Cartman, and Kenny sat across from Cartman. Oddly enough, Kyle was sitting with Kenny, but as soon as he saw Cartman walking towards their table, his face paled and scoots away from Kenny, in attempt to get away from Cartman.

_'Kyle is such a fag' _Cartman mentally sings to himself, shaking his head at what Kyle did. Kyle stares at him and then glares at him, turning his head away.

Cartman looks down at his tray and instantly regrets it; There was a slice of PB n J sandwich, an apple, plain milk, and steamed noodles. Oh, the _horror. _But he has to loose weight; The faith of his reputation, and rubbing his success in Kyle's face, was all in his own hands now.

"What the hell is that?" Kenny asks, referring to Cartman's changes in his lunch, his parka taken off. Cartman smiles before replying.

"Well, I have decided to diet a little bit--"

"A DIET? CARTMAN DIETING! YEAH FUCKING RIGHT!" Stan nearly fell out of his seat laughing. Cartman takes a deep breath. _Do not strangle him. Do not strangle him. Do not strangle him..._

"AY! COME HERE YOU FUCKING SHIT!" Cartman grabs a hold of Stan's neck and rang it like a bell, "GRAAAAAAAWR!!"

Kyle looks at the fight in shock and concern, but decides to not go against with it. _'Cartman has got to loose weight, and I'm not gonna be in his way this time.' _Kyle thought, munching on his lunch.

"Put him down, Cartman!" Kenny shrills, jumping across the table and grabbing a hold of Cartman's chubby arm, "LET HIM GO!"

"OW, OW, OW!" Stan cries, Cartman's death grip on his throat killing him, "Lemme go!"

Cartman growls under hs breath before letting him go, and Stan cowars himself away from Cartman to join Kyle. Cartman doesn't have time for this, he has to fucking eat himself into oblivion. He stares at his lunch painfully before taking his slice of sandwich, studies it, and slowly drives it in his mouth...

"I can't do this." Cartman puts his sandwich down, looking at it with a horrible look on his face. Kenny tilts his head.

"So, you want to loose weight, huh?"

"No, I want to grow wings and fly. Yeah, dipshit, I wanna loose some of mah weight!"

Kenny smirks and shakes his head, "Well, I could help you..."

"Oh, what are you gonna do, feed my fat to your parents?"

"No," Kenny sighs, "I can help you loose weight and motivate you. You know, kinda like... a coach or something."

"I see. Well," Cartman scratches his backside, "I'm gonna need all the support I can for this. Are you ready?"

Kenny smiles brightly, "Sure thing. Hey, are you gonna eat that sandwich?"

Cartman swipes his sandwich, "Hell no, welfare, I'm fucking starving."

Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan, sitting across from each other and a bit away from the other rufians, whispers to one another.

"How about a bet, then?" Stan smirks. Kyle looks around nervously.

"A what?"

"A bet. If Cartman changes, I'll do your homework for a month. If he doesn't, you do mines."

"Fine. Deal." Kyle replies sturbbornly, placing his head down and glares at Cartman, whose laughing heartly with Kenny. He better change or else...

After school, Kenny went to Cartman's house with a big platic bag behind him. Not huge, but reasonably big. Kenny rings the bell and almost immediatly, Cartman answers the door in a white wife beater and sweats, sweating like crazy and eating Cheesy Poofs. Kenny glares at him for what seems like forever...

"... WHAT?" Cartman shouts. Kenny rolls his eyes and walks into his house, dragging his back behind him.

"Listen, if you want to loose weight, loose the Cheesy Poofs."

"... HAHAHAHA! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Cartman laughs, shutting the door before laughing his way to the living room. Kenny follows and opens his bag.

"I'm serious, Cartman, you have to stop indulging yourself with that... shit."

"Ay, this is so not shit, Kenny. It was a gift from God." Cartman whispers, looking at the ceiling. Kenny giggles before taking out a video tape and putting it in Cartman's VCR. He turns on the TV.

"Get ready, Cartman, for this is an excericising tape." Kenny says, taking his place at the sofa and watching the screen.

Cartman looks at him and then stares at the TV curiously.

Soon enough, a man in a bad 70's afro, attired in candy-striped Dolfin shorts and tank tops decorated with Swarovski crystals appears and started to speak, "Hey there, sunshine, it's Richard Simmons!"

Cartman stares at the screen with wide eyes and his jaw nearly touching the floor, "... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!"

Kenny could only snicker secretly to himself.


	3. The Wonders of Science

Hey, dudes and dudettes. Jamie here.

I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, because here's chapter three!

Enjoy, and don't forget to review!

Spread the word about this story! It can do some much for me and this story! XD

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Chap 3: The Wonders of Magic_

An hour later, the Richard Simmons excercising video of doom ends.

"OH GOD, I'm so glad that's fucking over!" Cartman cries, soaked in sweat and panting so hard, Kenny was almost concerned. But instead, he just shakes his head with a small chuckle.

"Doesn't it make you feel any better, though? You feel more refreshed, stronger, healthier?"

Cartman eyeballs begin to water, "Yeah right..."

Kenny got off the couch and puts a reassuring hand on Cartman's shoulder, "It will be a hard, and long road, Cartman, but I can reassure you, in about a month or so, you'll be so skinny, you'll even make Paris Hilton look morbidly obese."

Cartman sighs, "A hard, long road, huh?"

Kenny sighs and nods gravely. That's when he felt Cartman's shoulder being rolled away harshly from Kenny's grasp and he recoils back as Cartman begins to yell at him.

"A MONTH OR SO? A MONTH OR SO?!? YOU THINK I HAVE THAT MUCH TIME TO LOOSE MY WEIGHT?!? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE OUTTA YOUR FUCKING MIND, WELFARE! GO HOME! GO HOME BEFORE I BUST A NUT!"

Kenny stares at him wide-eyed, "Woah, take it easy, du--"

"DON'T! I REPEAT, JUST DON'T TRY TO CALM ME DOWN! NOW LEAVE!"

Kenny gulps and rushes himself out of the house. As he did, Cartman kicks a soda can nearby and sits back on his ass on the couch, almost nearing himself to hopeless tears when...

"I got it!" Cartman cries cheerfully, getting off the couch, "I'll just go to Dr. Alphonse Mephisto's lab to get an antitode for my obesity! YEAH! Only I'm sure it'll cost me some bucks... Where to find money..."

Cartman went back and forth in the living room, thinking about how to get the money for the antitode. At the same time, he couldn't help but continue to picture Kyle's face. "Damn jew." Cartman muttered, rubbing his chin with his gloved hand. To Cartman, it was always fun to piss off Kyle, seeing as how he's the typical "Rawr-I'm-a-big-fat-scary-redhead-hear-me-roar" type. _'Oh, man, Kyle is so gonna get it in the face once I'll change,'_ Cartman snickers evilly at the mere thought, but he has to stay focus... Where to get money...

A few minutes pass by, and after Cartman had pondered and walked around the living room, he snaps his fingers as an idea pops up, "I'll steal my mom's crack money. Hopefully she won't mind."

It's been a while since Cartman found out about his mother's professions and what she does around the house, besides the usual cleaning, cooking, and taking care of her "Poopykins"; She is a crack whore. The truth hurts Cartman, but as time sweeps by, he got over it and accepts it.

Cartman rolls into the kitchen quietly, tip toeing to the cabinet, where he knows his mother's wallet is lying there. His mother is downstairs in the basement washing some clothes, and any minute now she will come back upstairs for some bleach or something. Cartman opens the cabinet door and sighs in relief when he sees the familiar brown-leather skin of the wallet. He grabs it and closes the cabinet, the smell of the wallet (and the money inside) almost driving him into bliss. As he got down, however, he hears a feminine gasp and freezes in his spot.

"Poopykins?"

Fuck.

If memory serves him correct, Cartman's mother did not like it when her son goes around stealing her stuff. Cartman gulps and turns around with a nervous smile imprinted on his pale face, "Heheh. H-Hi, mom--"

"Eric, what are you doing?!" His mother hisses, marching up towards him and snatching away the wallet, "You know mommy doesn't like it when you steal her money!"

"But maaaaaaaaaam!" Cartman whines, jumping up and down, in all hope trying to reach the wallet, despite his height, "I need the moneeeeeeyyyyyyy!"

"No, Eric! Mommy needs the money especially now!"

"But whyyyyyy?"

"Because mommy's business is running on a delay right now, sweetie!" His mother says as-a-matter-of-factly, checking her wallet to see if all of her money is still there. Sighing in relief, his mother looks down at Cartman with dissapointment in her eyes, "Now, I could give you some money, on one condition."

Cartman stopped jumping and cocks an eyebrow at her, "A wha?"

"I can give you some of my money if you do mommy a favor."

"Sure sure, yeah, whatever!" Cartman quickly replied, pinching the bridge of his nose stressfully, something he has never done in his life, "What is it?"

"I want you to clean your room."

Cartman halts and looks up at her, "... Are you serious?"

His mother gives him a serious look. Cartman sighs in defeat, walking away and going upstairs.

As soon as Cartman was finished cleaning his room, and rewarded with the money by his already drunk mother, he marches up to Dr. Alphonse Mephisto's lab and knocks on the door. A few seconds passes by, and soon the giant doors open, and a small queer-looking midget appears.

Cartman stares at him for a moment before exclaiming happily, "Hey... You're Kevin, right? Hey," Cartman peers his head in the house and looks around, "Is by any chance Dr. Alphonse Mephisto is here?"

Kevin nods with a calm smile before opening the door wider for Cartman to come in (he is fat, anyways) and takes a few steps back. Cartman steps in and whistles at the enourmous room filled with all different kinds of clocks at the walls, from antique clocks to futuristic clocks, to the 1950's kitty clocks that seem to stare at Cartman wisely with huge, moon-like eyes. Cartman shivers before moving on.

Kevin and Cartman both walk downstairs into the real lab, and both found Dr. Alphonse Mephisto.

"Doctor?" Cartman questions, and Alphonse turns around from his latest experiment and jumps slightly.

"Oh, Eric, I'm very pleased to see you again. What brings you here?"

"Well, see, my friend Kyle wants me to loose weight. I know, he's outta his mind for thinking that, you know," Cartman smirks, "I am just big-boned."

Alphonse could only force a wrinkly smile. Kevin stood by to watch, as Cartman clears his voice before continuing.

"So I was, like, wondering... If you have some kind of... antitode, or potion or whatever, that will cause me to loose this," Cartman looks at his belly, "weight."

"Well, I do have something for you," Alphonse states as he rubs his chin, Cartman staring at him with wide eyes and smile.

"Yeah?!"

"Yes... but," Alphonse sighs, and Cartman's face falls, "It might have some side effects. I don't know, I made it a year ago, but I was so busy with my other experiments that I never gotten around with the time to test it on animals or participants. I'm not sure if it's such a good idea if I lend it to you--"

"I'll give you fifty bucks."

"Sold."

Cartman came back home in time for supper. Of course, his mother was in her bedroom, and if his memory serves him correct, he saw an unidentified blue car in his driveway. His mother is working again tonight.

Cartman sighs bitterly before the phone rings. Cartman tilts his head in confusion before walking to it and picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Cartman? Is that you?"

"Whose this?"

"Who else, fatass."

Cartman closes his eyes and sighs. Today is giving him so much stress in the ass.

"What do you want, jew?"

"Nothing, just checking to see if you're working your fat ass off to loose your weight."

"Why is this suddenly so goddamn important to you?" Cartman states, suspicious dripping in his voice.

"U-Uh, nothing. I have to go."

"Like I care."

"Hah, very funny, fatboy."

"Aw, don't be such a widdle baby!" Cartman cooed into the reciever before hanging up.

That fucking jew is so gonna get it tommorow. Cartman took out the thin-potion out of the plastic bag he has been carrying and gazes at the deep, black liquid inside of the crystal jar.

The next day at the bus stop, the three boys, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny, were waiting for Cartman and the bus to arrive. Cartman appears... and looking as thin as a stick.

The three boys stares at him in silence, before Kyle began to speak, "Cartman?"

"What, jew?" Cartman sneers at him, just like the time where Kyle sends him to the hospital for being anal. Kyle's face fades a cherry tone before marching up to him and snatching his hat off, "Hey! WHAT THE HELL?!"

"Sorry, just making sure you aren't a fake like last time," Kyle mumbles angrilly, staring at Cartman's hat as he twiddles it with his fingers, "Like that last time when you went to fat camp... Anyways, HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LOOSE ALL THIS WEIGHT BY ONE DAY?!"

Cartman smirks. Kyle is pissed. That's all he needed to see to start off his morning positively, "Gentlemen, I produly introduce the new Eric Cartman. Thinner, fitter, healthier, and now, I can rub it in somebody's face. Someone special..."

Kyle steps back in surprise and anger as Cartman points at his face and laughs.

Stan and Kenny walks up to them and Stan whistles, "Wow, Cartman, I'll never know how you do it, but you sure look better. You don't even have a double chin anymore!"

Cartman strikes a pose, "Uh huh! Now you guys can't call me a fatass or porky or any of that anymore!"

Kyle spoke between his teeth, "You're just a lucky little bitch."

Cartman winks flirtariously at Kyle, who stares at him in shock before looking down, hiding his blush.


	4. Message From Jamie

Hey guys! It's Jamie!

Well, I don't know how to put my story "Imagine Me & You" to the community group "The Thin Line between Love and Hate", and I'm getting writer's block again, so I

need a direct answer; What can I do to make my story more noticeable, and if I should continue the story? Thanks.

See you all later! Message me for the answers! I'm new here so it's difficult. 


	5. Get Your Jewish Freak On

Yo dudes. It's Jamie here in J in the morning...

Haha! I've always wanted to do that... ahem, well, anyways, on to the story, shall we dears?

Enjoy, kiddies!

------------------------------------------

_Chap 4: Get Your Jewish Freak On_

A herd of sweaty, sophomore grader boys pours into the locker rooms after gym class, moaning and panting like battered dogs. Stan is the most enervated, seeing as how he is the subject as being "Super Jock", or as Cartman liked to call him, "Football Fucker". Next to Stan is Kyle, his jew-fro actually dropping down due to heavy sweating, and he swears he's going to have to get his hair cut; There was no way he's going to go to school for the next two years of high school (and college) with his hair ten times bigger than his own scrawny body.

"Man, gym sucks." Kyles breaths, sitting down on the bench to take off his sneakers, "I'll be damned if I fail this class."

Stan wraps a towel around his skinny hips, "I doubt it. You're the athletic type, and the teachers have crushes on you. And me."

Kyle can feel the smirk in Stan's voice at his last statement, and his eyebrow twitched. If it was the one thing he dislikes about his best friend is his cockiness about himself. Sure, confidence is a breath of fresh air among the masses who thinks that a pimple is worth the bitching, but Stan's confidence almost borders into an unhealthy stage, almost narcissism-like. It bothers Kyle, but he says nothing of it.

But it is true what Stan said; South Park elementery/middle/high schools are very fond of the athletic teams, espcially football. It is how South Park is defined by having a great team of boys pushing past the limits and winning the home coming games. A school isn't a school without atleast a drunk mascot, a few slutty cheerleader, and a bunch of mindless jocks.

Pity thy world.

"Hey guys," Cartman says with a smirk on his face, "I see the football made it's way towards your ass this time, Stan."

"Shut up, fat--" Stan staggers back with a brick face, suddenly realising Cartman is now thin, "C-Cartman."

Cartman smirks at Stan wider, then looks down at Kyle, "Hey Kahl, had fun at gym?"

Kyle looks up, still at a loss of words of Cartman's dramatic change. He was the size of a planet yesterday, but now he's so skinny, Nicole Richie would of cried herself to sleep. It's unnerving.

"Cartman, I don't know how you got thin all of a sudden, but I don't like it." Kyle's eyes narrows dangerously tight, "You better tell me what freaky drug you decided to pop into your own mouth, or I'll report you to the councelor. Let's see how the Hitler reincarnate likes a taste of rehab."

Cartman chuckles heartily, "Oh Kahl, you're too much sometimes. You and me should hang in the shower room. Come on, Kahl," Cartman starts to dance a little, "Get your jewish freak on!"

"Shush!" Kyle hisses, grabbing Cartman by the shoulders, "You may be skinny now, but you're still the fat, bigoted nazi asshole I've known since preschool on the inside."

Cartman stuck his tongue out, "And if I change and make you look bad infront of the whole school?"

Kyle growls, tightening his grip on his shoulder, "Then I'll break you."

Cartman grins evilly, "It's a date, then."

"Famous last words." Kenny appears suddenly withou his hood on, shaking his head at the angered couple.

"Amen." Stan nods along with Kenny. Of course, deep down, Stan is just as suspicious- if not more- than Kyle about Cartman's sudden weight drop.

--------------------------

I'm VERY VERY SORRY for this sorry of an excuse of a chapter. My writer's block is kicking in again, and for that, I am upset at myself. [SOB!

I'm gonna give a little shout out to certain new friend of mine since my stay in this website, Dark Days. I hope you can give me pointers for my next chapter! XD

Everyone else, thanks for reading and reviewing. Hopefully my story will appear in "The Thin Line Between Love and Hate" community group. xx


	6. Tool Of Affection

Hey guys! It's Jamie once again!

WOAHMYGAWD, my story has been added to the Thin Line Between Love and Hate community group! WOOHOO!

Ahem, anyways.

I have to remind you to go back to chapter one and see for yourself that I have changed about the whole "Elementary" school thing. Our little boys have grown up to be [GASP teenagers! In sophomore year, ladies and germs. (Yeah I call you dudes germs, watcha gonna do about it? That's right, nothing! BUAHAHA.)

Enjoy! Don't forget to review! **I FEEL LONELY! **

------------------------------------------------------------------

_Chap 5: Tool of Affection_

"Hello there, children!" Chef's jolly, warm voice spoke in the bitter cold kitchen. Chef is known to work back in the Elementary school, but ever since the children had a strike about him moving into the High School building with them, the teachers and administrators moved him there. They all enjoy Chef, as if he was a sense of comfort during the nerve-wracking days of High School.

Quite pathetic, really.

"Hey Chef." Stan, Kenny, Kyle and Cartman replies in union, as they always have been their whole lives.

"How's it going?"

"Confusing," Kyle mummered, looking at thin Cartman up and down.

"Why con-- Cartman?!" Chef choked, staring in bewilderness at the scrawny little boy that is Cartman, "My god, boy, what in the Devil's name happen to you?"

"What? I only worked my ass off... With a bit of help, of course." Cartman grinned smugly, making Kyle elbow him in the ribcage, "Ow! What the fuck was that for, Jew?!"

"You're being smug. You do remember what happend when people got so smug with their goddamn Hybrids." Kyle replied, bitterly, Chef placing food on his tray.

"That's right, Cartman. You need to stop being smug." Stan whispers in the same bitter tone as Kyle. Cartman looks at them from side to side.

"Fellas, GOD!" Cartman laughed boisterously, "I was only being confident about my goal." Cartman says with a wider smirk, and in turn Chef sighing in annoyance.

"But you lost weight with some freaky drug that you STILL haven't told me what it was, Cartman!" Kyle growls.

"Alright, children, stop fighting. You're holding up the line!" Chef cries, and the boys smiles at him warmly before walking out.

_'Atleast the asswipes are quite this time.' _Cartman thought to himself, munching on his grilled cheese sandwich, staring at the limpid, maroon-colored tomato soup Chef had made with loving care recently. High School was more bearable with Chef's awesome cooking. But the rest of the teachers have yet to learn their ways...

"Hey, Valentine's Day is coming up!" Kenny squeaked in his orange parka, playing with something in his hands. Cartman dares himself to not even look or care to see what it was. Could be his weiner. Who in the right mind declares a certain holiday was coming near while masturbating infront of your friends in public view?

Apparently, Super Ghetto White Trash Skank can. And maybe perhaps Sir Fucks Alot of Football Boy Stan might dabble.

"Like I care," Kyle huffs, playing with his soup.

"Aww, what's wong with mah little jew? Can't get laid?" Cartman cooes, trying to pinch Kyle's magenta cheeks.

Kyle slaps Cartman's hand away, "Shut up, Eric!"

Cartman blinks. Since when did Kyle called him "Eric"? Only his mother/father would. "The hell, Kyle? You just called me by my first name..."

"So?!" Kyle cried, his teeth grinding against each other, "I have you fucking right to call you Eric, just like you have to right to call me a jew!"

Cartman stares at him. _'Kyle looks so hot when he's pissed... The passion in his eyes, the blinding shine of his bared teeth, his trembling skinny frame of his white, lucious body... Oh, what the fuck. What the FUCK AM I THINKING?! Okay, Kyle is hot, but I never saw that look in his eyes before... And it makes me kind of feel hot inside...'_

For the longest time, Cartman takes the pleasure in belittling Kyle, and Kyle takes the satisfication by calling Cartman fat. It's the same routine, each year, over and over again. But it felt good to Cartman- Kyle's anger gives Cartman a boner. Then he goes home and jacks off with his toughts of angry Kyle screaming at him in his head, how raging his hair looks, resembling his red and twitching face. Kyle's hot when he's mad.. and Cartman knows it.

"I don't even have Wendy by my side anymore," Stan gloomly adds, trying to lift everyone elses spirits by reminding they aren't the only single losers in the school.

"Speak of the devil, hear comes Wendy!" Kenny cries. The boys all looks at the raven-haired vixen coming up to them. 'Everyone has grown and matured into beautiful creatures,' Cartman muses in his head, as he drools at the side of his mouth at the hour-glass figure that belonged to Wendy. Her voice had deepend, not anymore like the ear-exploding sqweaking voice she uses when she was a little girl like Cartman remembers, resembling like ciggarates smoke- Lingering and smooth, slick yet dangerous. Wendy also grew a fascination with red lpstick, like how she wear it on her lips now, and she's growing more and more concern with herself, even more so than her girlfriend Bebe. Her hair is still long and dark, just as Cartman remembers her. Her big brown eyes are heavily mascared, and she flutters them at Cartman.

"Cartman, I have a question for you," Wendy gushes, hiding her flushed cheeks with her hands, "Would you like to go out with me?"

"And I thought boys were to do the askings!" Stan roared, angry and shocked beyond belief, standing up from his chair and gripping the side of the table, "That's a nice way to make me jealous, Wendy! But you forget to mention to Cartman he is not the tool of affection for you."

Wendy huffs, twiddling an ebony lock of hair, "You certainly wish, Stanley! But just to remind you, we are so six years ago."

Cartman sat back with a graceful smile playing on his lips. Kyle stares at him and fumes.

"Sure, babe," Cartman winks at her, making Wendy squeal in her hands.

"CARTMAN!" Stan howls angrilly, drilling death glares at him.

Cartman waves his hand uncaringly, "Don't worry Stan, I won't steal your dream girl away. She just needs a bit of some of mah lovin', right chick?"

Wendy can only nod and smile in agreement and adore. Kyle fumes harder before abruptly smacking his tray onto the floor and walking out of the cafeteria.

The silence always scares Cartman. And the absence of the jew only makes it worse.

----------------------

Oh shut up. It's a kind of a short update, I know, but I have plenty of time to keep going at it and keep on writting new updates. XD

Just review and I'll think about it... [evil smile


	7. I Love When You Kiss Me

Hello there, cheeky-dees! huggles

Well, school is finally here GASP so I'll try my best to keep on adding chapters and so on.

Well, here's chapter six! Enjoy! D

**WARNING TO ALL THOSE HOMOPHOBES: **This is the chapter where Cartman and Kyle finally KISSES! Awww! XD

Just some fluff, is all. But beware, there is a reason why I put this story under "M" rating... In much later chapters, the boys will get a bit... coughsexualcough.

Note: Also, I am very experimental with this story, which is why this is my first SP fic. Now, this chapter is from Cartman's point of view, and the next chapter will be Kyle's point of view. And it keeps switching from chapter to chapter...

Anyways, I'll shut up now. Enjoy, once again!

------------------------------------------------------------------

_Chap 6: I Love When You Kiss Me_

The minute Kenny stared at me with those innocent, helpless baby blue eyes, a funny feeling crept up to my stomach; Kyle was not one of those people who will let grudges go easily. If anything, he would write down all the flaws and mistakes of everyone he knew in his life in a fucking burn book, I'll bet. _Cartman, on tuesday morning, wants to go out with Wendy when his friend Stan wants to be with her! Or maybe... I SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING OUT WITH HER, NOT HIM! _Jesus, woe is me.

That's the scary part, Kyle being the grudgy guy he is. He could use his little pathetic grudges and go against people to get the things he wants. Fucking jew.

Then I avert my nervous gaze to Stan, who was looking down at his shoes with a startling glare. If it wasen't for the fact that Wendy was right there, he'd rip my spinal cord right out of my back and whip my ass with it. Alas, I glanced at the confused Wendy, looking at the direction the redheaded boy went, remembering when her best friend Bebe fell in love with his ass.

Kyle has a nice ass. I knew that.

Okay, I admit it, Kyle has a really, really nice ass. It's not my fault I oogle at it for hours on end during classes, hence explaining why my grades are slipping. Everything is Kyle's fault. Every problems in the world are all the jews' fault.

It's all Kyle's fault I like him. Alot.

I try to speak, but I was a bit stunned. Afraid, maybe. Wendy then looks at me with a confused frown, then suddenly a chick with wavy blonde hair steps by her side. Bebe Stevens, the grade "A" slut. If it weren't for her massive breasts that she started growing much earlier than all the other chicks at school, I would never say that to her face. Besides, she is hot. Who can blame her for that?

I wouldn't.

"Oh my gosh, Eric, you're going out with my best friend Wendy? Tonight?" Bebe gushed, Wendy starting to elbow her lightly with a small "Oh, stop that!" in a jokingly manner. I raised an eyebrow at her, and then smirk.

"Sure, why wouldn't I?"

The girls giggled before walking away. They could have atleast kiss each other before they went. That would be so kickass.

A few seconds later, Stan got up and walked away, leaving me and Kenny to disscuss issues about what just happend.

"Stan will murder you, Cartman." Kenny mumbled, sipping on his milk carton, "And Kyle will piss on your grave."

"Let him murder me, I'll fuck him back harder," I hissed, playing with my gloves, "He doesn't control my life, and if memory serves me correct, Wendy clearly isn't interested in his dick anymore."

Kenny snickers before continuing, "Not only that, but Kyle will kill you any other how."

"I'd like to see him try," I replied back, stretching out my body. High school isn't much of a vacation from Elementary school, now when I think about it. "I'll castrate him before he can try to melt me away with his Star of David pentacle."

Kenny looks around before leaning in to whisper, "I'm gonna have to see it myself before you do it, ex-fatass."

"It's a date then. Besides, I don't get why Kyle is up in his own ass about me going out with Wendy. Did you see the way he got up and walk away?"

"Maybe he likes you."

I chocked on my milk, coughing it out and trying to breathe in precious oxygen. Kenny stares at me with a vail of sadness and concern in his eyes, before leaning in and trying to pat me on the back, which did help me try to breathe again. I took in a few deep breathes, my heart running on it's heels of the mere thought of Kyle liking me, and everything in between.

"Kyle likes me?"

"A duh, Cartman. Why do you think he's always in your face about everything you try to do? He likes your attention, he loves it when you talk to him, even if it meant belittling him about his faith or whatever. He loves it when you shower him with your attention, he just do. And I know him, Cartman. He's going to show up in your house and try to kiss you or something."

I stare at him numbly, "... Yeah right."

"No, I'm serious. I can steal Wendy's lipstick for you and give it you so you can prepare yourself for tonight."

I flip him off before running my tongue over nasty word. He glares at me playfully before we both laugh and continue our lunches.

I called him a tightwad. Shut up, Kenny, you love it.

Kyle better be wearing a pretty skirt when he arrives.

Night crept in as I took out out my clothes from the laundry machine, the clothes I'll be wearing for the date tonight. It's an amazing thing about dates; You feel all calm, cool and collected, but when your dates ring the doorbell, you can't help but shake like you had a fever. It's exciting, nerve-wracking...

_Magical._

It is exactly how I felt when I hear the doorbell ring. I look at myself in the mirror in the half-bathroom; Tight white shirt saying "Vote For Pedro", (Shut up, it was all I had right now) black trousers, regular black shoes and my hair carelessly rumpled, creating the ever-trendy "bedhead" look that all the fags are trying out at school these days.

And I'm one of them. Shazam.

I check my pockets. Mints, check. Money, check. Lip balm, check. Cellphone, check. Condoms, check. Tickets to the latest action movie, check. Lipstick...

"Goddamit," I growl, suddenly realizing what Kenny told me earlier, before rushing over to my front door, "It better not be Kyle..."

I open the front door, and there stood Kyle, looking angrilly at the floor, his cheeks a scarlet color.

"What, jew?" I demand, placing my hands on my hips, "What're you doing here, Wendy will come any minute now."

Kyle was about to speak, but closes his mouth. He takes a step with a hesistation, his stare still glued to the ground. He puts his gloved hands in his pockets, mumbling something under his breath, something about cars or something. Weirdo. He concentrated at the floor for a while before looking up at me...

He merely whispers, "I just... want to come by and say, have fun. On the date with Wendy, I mean."

I stuck out my tongue at his pissed off face, "Yeah, whatever, Star of Fag. Go home before your mom starts calling here."

He smiles a little, knowing fully about me despising his fucking mother, "She won't call, I promise. She was really protective of me when I was little, but now she trusts me..."

I stare at him up and down slowly, taking in his slightly-curved body. Kyle was not like the other boys at school; Tall, muscle-built, lady-magnet, masculine. He was short, curvy, his skin almost the color of a white lilly. His hair was the color of pure flames, under his trademark green ushanka hat, and his eyes the color of the inside of an aloe vera leaf.

He was really almost beautiful.

"So... good luck." And he leans in to kiss me on the cheek. He _kissed_ me on the _cheek._ And I ain't talking about my ass, you pervs.

Oh god.

"If you ask, that's a... jewish, tradition of telling others "Good luck". So... like... don't take it seriously, Eric." Kyle mumbled, obviously trying to lie his way out of this. I know it because let's see; One, I'm the best well-known liar the town has ever known, and two Kyle being the worst. I can tell by the way he's shifting his weight side by side while his face matches the color of his hair.

"... Right." Was all it came out of my gaping mouth.

He smiles at me sadly before turning around and walking away, the moonlight and the snow below his feet bleaching his skin further, making him almost invisible. I touched my skin gingerly at the spot where he kissed me, my heart contracting.

"Kyle, wait!" I called out before launching myself down the stairs where he's at. He stares at me in a whispering confusion, and I looked at his lips helplessly, before using my sociopathy powers to lie myself to him again. To his lips, I meant.

"I want to say thank you, Kyle." I said quickly before stepping into his personal space and pressed my lips against his', my arms snaking around his back and waist and pulling him in, feeling him moaning in my mouth.

My hand traveled down to his lucious ass, and did what I alwas wanted to do to him for as long as I could remember; Squeeze it.

I felt Kyle gasping into my mouth in surprise, and I smirk before intruding his mouth with my eager tongue, wrestling with his tongue. Man, was his tongue wild and free, unlike Kyle's personality. It was amazing, thrilling, reveting...

_Way more magical._

I groaned as he pressed his frail body against mines, feeling his boner uprising against my thigh...

"Oh my god!"

I pushed Kyle like he burned me, and saw a very shocked Wendy in a purple mini-dress standing there, gaping. I looked at Kyle, who was staring at me in both confusiona dn anger, before he sees Wendy and froze.

We're fucked.

----------------------

DUN DUN DUN! I know, a bit of a cliffhanger, but that's all I can write for you kiddies.

I'll try to write the next chapter as soon as I could. Bye for now, and good luck in school/college!


	8. Message From Jamie, again

Dear readers, due to the demanding shit that school gives me, I'm gonna have to cut this story. ( Sorry.

But don't cry, for I'll make a new one soon. And this time it'll be like those other SP fics that has alot of details and it looks like you're reading an actual book?

So yeah. The next story will be another Cartman x Kyle, but more... dramatic that Imagine me and you, lol!

So, I'll see you guys later!

Love, Jamie.


	9. Heat

_Hey… hey… guess what? I'M BACK. This is Jamie, and I left this story behind several years ago in the dust… but now that I found it, I've finally decided to update this story again. _

_Enjoy!_

* * *

_Chapter 7: Heat_

There we were… me and Kyle looking at Wendy like she caught us murdering someone, and her staring at us like, well, she DID witness us murdering someone. It wasn't a pretty picture, I can assure you.

Then the fucking Jew decided to make shit worse.

"I-It's not what you think, Wendy!" Kyle cries with his palms up and looking defenseless. Oh boy. I _had _to roll my eyes on that one! He sure knows how to make things look worse than they really do.

"What is it, then?!" Wendy shouts, her face imitating the color of Kyle's hair.

But then there I am, Eric Cartman, master of manipulation and lies, and I answered her bitchy question without even missing a beat, "I was teaching him how to kiss. I'm sure you and Bebe did something like this before."

She hesitates, but I gave her that knowing smile, and she sighs in defeat, "Yes, and?"

"Well, this tremendous fag here," I gesture to a pissed off looking redhead next to me, "Hasn't had any lip action of any sort, so naturally he came to me with the purpose of learning the art of kissing."

Wendy takes a curious peek at Kyle, while Kyle speaks through his teeth, _"_C_artman… _I _swear—"_

I skillfully flip him off to his face before strolling on over to my raven-haired date, and I did the most asshole thing I could-Swing her around before kissing her mouth in a full act of lust and passion, my middle finger still up in the air at Kyle's direction.

Now, you fucks might think this is me being a son of a bitch to the Jew. I'm heartbroken that you see it that way. Really, I'm just trying to make sure that Wendy doesn't think that we're kissing _because _we like each other.

Never the less, my eyes snap open to see the most shattered Jew I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. I mean, he really looked like he just saw his own puppy die right in front of him. A pang of guilt boomed in my chest, but it was for our own good.

My own good, especially.

I didn't want Wendy to think the worst of this situation. I'm trying to make sure she didn't know the real reason why Kyle and I kissed…

It didn't stopped Kyle from looking down at the floor, his red curly bangs creating a shadow over his beautiful aloe vera green eyes before he shuffles on around us to walk away from us…

God fucking dammit.

* * *

The date went wonderfully horrific. Wendy couldn't stop fucking talking about her schoolwork, her friends and stupid girly shit she has to do for herself in order to look good. I absent mindedly listen to her go on and on while we were eating at a restaurant not too far from my house, and after a good hour and a half of bullshit, the date naturally came to a close. We could have had watched that action movie, but I told her that I was having the cramps. Naturally, she wondered what I meant by that. Then I remembered that only girls had cramps.

Oh well.

I walked her back to her home before heading on back to my own house alone, the street lamps flickering on to signifying that the night is finally here. I take a look at my Terrance & Phillip watch, and it reads "8:55 PM" in glowing green lights, making me glower in anger for some reason.

Kyle must be asleep by now. I really wanted to talk to him.

"Like I care," I mutter in rage, my pace starting to pick up, "I'm going to fucking talk to him whether he likes it or not!"

It took a while, but after several minutes of me running in full speed, I manage to get to his house right on 9:05 PM. I creep around the house to get to his backyard before climbing myself up to a tree that humorously stand right near Kyle's bedroom window, and after so many years of sneaking into his house that way, I quickly climbed my way carefully to his window.

Naturally, it's dark in there. I sigh before quietly opening the window with my hands, before I gingerly place my leg in the opening to get inside.

Once I'm in the room, I close the window behind me and squint my eyes in the dark. Call me gifted, but I can see quite well in the dark, so I manage to find myself staring at Kyle in his bed with his back turned me, and I smile evilly.

Time to start some shit.

I sneak my way across the room to get on one side of his bed, my ears perking up at the sound of… whimpering? What is that I'm hearing? I frown confusingly before I whisper acidly, "Jew?"

The whimpering stops. I blink, waiting.

"Jew?" I whisper again, gentler this time, "Are you… _crying?_"

"F-Fuck off, Cartman," I hear him whimper once more, a sniffle following after that, "Just go home."

"Uh, do you know who you're talking to right now?" I place my hands on my hips with a sassy pout, "You can't tell me what to do. You can try, but you know you won't win."

He doesn't answer. I can still hear him whimpering and crying, though.

I sigh with a roll of my eyes, "Why are you being like this?"

He doesn't answer me at first, but eventually he growls, "Why did you kiss her like that? In front of ME?!"

Yep, that's the Kyle we all know and love.

"Why are you so upset, Kahl?" I blink in the dark. He sniffles.

"You kissed me, Eric… You fucking kissed me and then you kissed her!"

I snort, "Like I enjoyed kissing her. She tasted like ass."

Silence irks the room once more before I hear him sitting up in his bed. He turns to the other side of me to turn on his bedside lamp. Immediately, I can see his glossy red curls and the blue cotton pajama top that is sure to keep his Jew ass warm at this time of the year. He turns to me with bloodshot green eyes, and my breath stifles.

"You _were _crying!" I whisper, and he sighs with his eyes close, tears racing down his cheeks, "Kahl, I'm so sorry, but I don't get why you're so mad at me for!"

He looks down at his pale hands before whispering, "It was… I mean… I like the way you kissed me. I thought what we shared was, y'know, something special… and then…"

He pauses, his green eyes flipping over into my brown ones, "You kiss her like that too and I guess I got… jealous."

I was this close to laughing, but even I'm not that cruel. I kind of feel bad for the first time in my life; I nearly destroyed one of my closest friends. I may not see the kiss as anything that special, but to Kyle it might have been, and I have to kind of understand it.

"Kyle… it wasn't like I enjoyed kissing her. I did it so that it wouldn't look bad for us. I did it because if not, she'll think I'm a major butt pirate and that's way worse than the ten video tapes of me playing girly games."

He almost smiles, but then stops himself, "I'm just… I don't know. Just forget it, Cartman."

"I'll make it up to you."

He snorts, "Like hell you would."

"Do you want to see me try, at least?"

He couldn't even look at me in the eye this time, and he even crosses his arms around my chest to emphasize his anger against me. Now I just can't help but want to do something to him… something hot and spicy…

"Let's share some heat," I whisper seductively, climbing up to his bed to a much surprised looking Kyle, "I'm cold and you have what I need."

He gapes at me before saying, "W-What? C-Cartman, what are you—"

I lean right in to kiss him once more.

* * *

_Well, that's it for now, since I'm just dipping my toe in an old fanfic that I'm afraid that everyone has forgotten after many years of my departure. But hey, at least they kissed and stuff. ^_^ If I get even one review, I'll seriously consider finishing this fic, okay?_


	10. Having The Gays

_Holy moly! I didn't really think anybody would review this story again, but thanks so much! I'll update more often now. _

_Here's chapter 10!_

_Chapter 8: Having The Gays_

In an abrupt glorious second that would have been with me kissing Kyle's most heavenly lips that could ever grace the Earth, I ended up with his open hand slapping the fucking shit out of me. I may have seen it coming but for some reason I am still surprised by his reaction. I rub my hand over my stinging cheek and that Jew looks at me like he wanted to fist my asshole wide open.

… That didn't come out right.

"What the fuck was that, Cartman!?" He hisses all the while grabbing a hold of the collar of my shirt, "Why did you do that for?"

I glower at him, "Get off me, you bitch."

I don't know why but I really set him off by that one and before I know it, he tackles me to the floor and tries to attack my face once more with his hands. He tries to cover my mouth and nose to try and suffocate me, but despite my new skinny physique, I am still stronger than him; I grab a hold of his wrists and manage to rip them out of my beautiful face so that he wouldn't wreck it. Fucking Jew! I growl at him but he still tries to grab at my mouth again, and this continues on for, oh I don't know, about the length of Barbara Streisand's career. Way too long.

"Ugh!" Kyle finally gives up and huffs, "I've had it! You can just go home and jerk off for all I care, just leave me alone!"

"Shh!" I hush him with worried eyes, "If your mother finds me here, she'll turn my dick into a Hanukkah candle!"

"Like I care," Kyle coldly whispers before he shakes my hands off from his wrists and gets up from my body to dust himself off, "You still didn't explain to me how you manage to lose all that weight in such a short time. Your little video tapes will be shown if you don't fucking _tell me._"

I stare at him and for a moment, his eyes flashed a bright green, perhaps from my own imagination or the moonlight slipping through the limbs of the tree outside. I blink and hope to God it's the former, because as much as I hate to admit this, but goddammit, Kyle looks so good, even when he's angry and wouldn't mind if my dick turns into a candle. He crosses his arms over his chest and looks down hard at me, waiting for the supposed explanation. What am I gonna do? Am I fucked now?

"Well?" Kyle sneers. Well, I won't be fucked, but…

I suddenly reach up to caress the front of his pajama pants, feeling it's luxurious texture of mock fur, and his knees buckles. Bingo. I smirk in all of my evilness and continue to stroke it, his expression totally shocked and unable to find the words to describe my shock antics, I'm sure. At least he's enjoying this as much as I am—

"_Cartman!"_ He hisses once more before slapping my hand away from his pants, "What are you, gay?!"

"For you, yeah."

He puffs up as if ready to give me another verbal beat down, but then he rolls his eyes, shakes his head with a little sigh, and then hops up to put his ginger butt back to bed, "Fuck off home, Cartman. You still have three weeks to prove to me that you've changed. Looks like you got your weight down… Now I want to see you act _kind _to others."

"But… But Kahl!"

"Go. Fuck. Off. Home." He plainly responds before lying back down and turning his back to me, "Goodnight."

I sigh, defeated, before doing what he told me to do. I get up, turn around, and walk away with my hands in my pockets, when I suddenly hear him speak again.

"Cartman."

I say nothing in return and, without missing a beat, Kyle continues.

"You better be nice to Timmy tomorrow. I'll be watching you. One slip and you're done."

Was it the wind or did his voice made me shiver? I couldn't tell what from what anymore. I calm myself down and keep on walking to his window to climb on down.

* * *

"**You did what!?"**

My eyes close painfully at the shrieking yelp that came out of Kenny's mouth, wanting to punch him in the dick for being so loud, but I'm just too tired to even try. It's now Wednesday morning in Garrison's classroom, and the students come in one by one before the first period bell rings. For now, Kenny and I have arrived first just so we can spill any dirt about Wendy even though I feel that I don't have any proper juice about our date last night. It was fucking boring, I told Kenny, much to his disappointment. He asked me if I even copped a feel, or if I showed her my hot spicy boner, and I only shake my head at him. He deflates but he doesn't give up, I'm afraid.

"She has nice tits?" He grins. My eyebrow twitches in annoyance.

"She does. I mean… I didn't see them, but—"

"Ugh!" Kenny groans before placing his forehead over his arms on the desk, "Cartman, you are soooo boring!"

"Well, don't blame me! Fucking bitch couldn't keep my attention for longer than two seconds! Man, I don't even know what Stan sees in her!" I grit in between my teeth, looking ahead at our flaming teacher reading a book, "She's as exciting as a used condom on the floor."

Kenny turns his head at me to say something in response, but then the door opens and we both look up to see Kyle coming in. There are dark circles around his eyes, and his skin looks even paler than it usually holds, if that is even possible for the fucking ginger. Never the less, he walks right past us without as much as a knowing nod our way or flickering his eyes at us. He keeps on walking until he reaches the other side of the classroom and sits down, still avoiding our eyes. He wraps his arms on top of the desk before putting his head down to catch up on some snooze. I can't blame him; I'm tired as balls too.

Kenny looks at me before giving me that weird side glance, and I frown at him confusingly. He looks at me strangely for a second before mouthing the following, "Did he come to your house last night?"

Oh boy.

But, this is Kenny, so I should trust him, right? Right.

"Yeah," I whisper low enough for him and only him to hear, "He kissed me."

His eyes widen and he gives me that open mouth gape. I can only shake my head approvingly. He then looks over my head at Kyle, who I'm still assuming he's asleep. Kenny stares at him for a few seconds before coming back face-to-face with me, "No way!"

"Only on the cheek, though. Then I," My cheeks flush from the memory of last night, "Ran after him and kissed him in the mouth."

Kenny slaps both of his hands over his mouth in that overly enthusiastic fashion, his face reddening. The door opens and more students came in until the bell rings for period one to start. I say no more and let Garrison do the usual daily routine; English lesson and all of it's faggoty joys of it. How appropriate. I let my mind wander to other things while Mr. Garrison goes on and on, and for a moment, I saw red firelocks of hair in my head. Aloe Vera green eyes, red curls and a bashful smile. I growl to myself in shame. I close my ankles together to hide my growing boner downstairs.

Surprisingly, I don't let my eyes wander over to the Jew today. I try to avoid him after that, convinced that maybe he'll also avoid me too out of sheer embarrassment from the bullshit last night. I went to my other classrooms that didn't include him in it, and for a while, I could breathe easy. Wendy came up to me in period 5 and asked me for a second date; I told her that I'm very busy but I'll see what I can do. I just don't see myself enjoying Wendy as my partner, truth be told. She walks away back to Bebe and I continued on with finishing my school work.

Soon after, lunch period strikes. Stay calm, Eric, be strong.

I let myself fall on the chair in front of Kenny and we chitchat about mundane things while waiting for the other two to show up. Stan comes up to sit next to Kenny and he, for some reason or other, asked me how I am doing today. I cock an eyebrow at him but he only shrugs with a smile. Okay? What is he up to now? Supposedly I did date his ex-girlfriend last night, so no doubt he knows about it by now. Maybe he's into that whole let bygones be bygones now? I can't be too sure, but I have to be cautious. I crack a weak smile before saying, "I'm fine. Yourself?"

"Good… So, about Wendy," Stan hesitates and looks at Kenny while the blond boy looks back at him too, "Was it..?"

I stare at him, "… Yes?"

"Was she good?"

I roll my eyes, "We didn't do it, Stan. Honest. I don't like her. At all. You can have her."

Stan's face brightens but then very quickly he looks at me all stern again, "You didn't say anything stupid to Kyle the other night, did you?"

Oh shit. I blink, "What? What do you mean?"

"Well… He called me early this morning with the sappiest voice I've ever heard from him. I asked him what was wrong and he's all 'Cartman is a dick!' but he refused to explain what he means by it."

I could only chuckle, "Periods, Stan, periods. The Jew gets em too."

Stan riles up, "Shut up, fatass! Because if you made him cry or anything like that, I'll kick your fucking ass!"

Amazing. Even with all of my weight loss success, I can never escape that dreaded insult.

I puff up in defense, but in a split second, a loud sound of a lunch tray slamming down next to me made me jump out of my skin. I swiftly look to my side to see Kyle sitting down right next to me, all the while avoiding my eyes and starts to eat. We all looked at him all the while he's munching on his PB&J sandwich, almost wondering when he's going to talk, but he keeps on with his business. I thought maybe he'd at least turned to me and spit his lunch at me for being a douchebag towards him, but he just… kept… eating. I scrunch my face in confusion before looking at Kenny for answers. He could only shrug.

"Kyle?" Stan finally breaks the silence, "You okay, dude?"

Kyle doesn't answer. Like a boss. Or a bitch.

"Aw, come on, Kyle-buddy!" Kenny exclaims, "Smile! You know you're adorable when you do."

I shoot the blond a devastatingly evil look and he gives me a flirty little wink. Even Stan is looking at Kenny with wider eyes. What is he doing?! No time to inflate the Jew's self-esteem at this time of the day! What if he arrogantly kicks my ass for being skinny this time? I don't have the care in the world for going back to the hospital again!

Kyle takes a long sip of his milk before sighing, "I don't have to smile if I don't wanna, Kenny."

"Welp, look at the time!" I start to laugh nervously and looking all around to look for an escape, "Time to feed the homeless!" I get up from my chair to get the fuck out of there, but before I could move another muscle to do so, a hand shoots up to my shoulder and with the most surprising force, Kyle pushes my shoulder to sit me back down, "Ay!"

"Don't move, asshole," Kyle mumbles venomously, "Timmy is coming over."

I look at him all confusingly but soon enough, I could hear the wheelchair squealing over our way, with the creepy looking boy twitching and smiling at us. Stan gives him a little awkward wave with his hand and Kenny looks at me with a concerned expression. I hesitate and look at Kyle, who has his eyes back to his food again, and I can tell he's waiting for how I'm going to compose my new "kindness" act towards Timmy. Well, if kindness is what he wants to see, then I will give it to him!

I get up on my chair (Don't ask me why we all keep doing this at this age.) and point towards the boy in the wheelchair, "Timmy, I have something to tell you."

"… Timmy?" He cocks an eyebrow at me, his hand twitching from whatever disease he's suffering. I take a deep breath, feeling my very own hands twitching just the same.

"Timmy… I… I'm…" My face reddens with heat, "I… I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Timmy!"

That's when my mouth opens and I puke pure black vomit all over myself.

* * *

_There you guys go! It's the first symptom from the thin medicine Cartman took to lose his weight! I'll reveal more symptoms in later chapters, but first, send me some more loving! Thanks for all the support and I'll update soon! Happy holidays!_


End file.
